Grief

It was a scenario where the mind was not to wander about. a sonorous moment where you mourn for the dead. Yet, a distant relative she was and it was difficult to keep a mournful face. Every moment grew heavier and i was itching to get away. Social manner alone prevented me from doing so.

She was a grand old lady, who had lived her life (hope i could say that - though it ought to be her decision). Wealth of people all around her and even in death surrounded by servants to fulfill her every needs. her husband stood by in a corner in the house, his aging shoulders sagging. She had dies and he was feeling the pain. The sons and daughter in laws were present, tears trickling.
She was in a glass box on ice, preserved for her sister to come for the final rites. The mood was gloomy and even kids who barely understood the scene were quiet and brooding.

I wondered for how long, how long was this silence going to be maintained. After all she was dead and there was no changing that. The pain of the departing certainly present still, the silence was overbearing. Suddenly there was a shriek and her sister came in beating at her breasts and wailing aloud. a kid in the corner shrieked in terror while another slightly older laughed in sheer surprise. The kids mother cautioned them against such behavior and told that, people of the old age grieved so. she also told them that though that sounded funny and unnatural, one ought to forgive them.

And my boredom relaxed lightly, and i wondered - "was that true? did older generation always cry like that? if so was it a custom or was it really their grief coming out that way? i always thought that people of older generation bonded better and the pain of departing was greater and so their cry very vocal?"

Then again I remembered, the same aunty who had cautioned the children - she had wailed louder than any i could remember when my grandpa has passed away. she came running into my house then crying aloud. according to me she had over reacted then and according to her the dead person's sister was overreacting today.
guess hypocrisy apart, when a dear one dies one never knows how one expresses pain and when the same person watches another, it feels unnatural.

I understand that there are no generation gaps when it comes to grieving.
and though some come out of the grief pretty quickly and abruptly (like the girl who stood their crying in silence suddenly became bubbly once the body was taken away), i understood it is wrong to judge a grief from the actions they exhibit.

I have never been good with emotions - but i decide today that i shall not judge other by the way they exhibit theirs.