Self Introspection

Was recently chatting with my friend, no not the online Internet chat, but the straight person to person chat. it was about what I write and how I come across through my words. guess I have known it for long, but it still was surprising to hear me being called gloomy from what I write.

I have forever been trying to be the optimistic guy who revels in the thought that come what may, the job will get done, come what hardship may I would sail through with the bare minimum of scratches.

That is what I am(or am I?), and still I heard some one call me gloomy.

So, does Gloominess and optimism go together?... it sounds insane to even put them two in the same sentence. And I always have written what I feel deep down inside.. (forget the attempts of romance in poems.. they were for fun).

All this has left me bemused.

I now pose as a contradiction to myself. Optimistic guy with a stream of gloominess running parallel, and for sure one is the surface and the other the depths of my nature. From what I believe in my writing, it seems that gloominess is what runs and I impose a positivism on top to overcome the gloom. I do not like being gloomy.

If that is true, well I am in some trouble and I got to convert the optimism into real.

But all things go smooth now and all the internal turmoils do not affect life as such. Guess I would soon have to come back to the introspection and get myself sorted out, but I shall wait a little longer.

And somewhere down there, deep in my heart I guess I like the gloominess that resides in me. the gloominess that could tend to become dark and envelope the sanity of my mind with its tentacles. Perverse it seems, but hell, not many around are like that and am sure with the positive outlook that I impose, I shall surely be able to utilise the darkness for something worthwhile....

And yet... could I really do that.....

Yet another article finishing with "yet...." this is turning out into a problem, have to get rid of this and start moving towards more positive and conclusive discussions...... I shall wait for that to happen too....